by Paul Teetor
Donald Trump loves to use sports metaphors when discussing politics and personalities.
When his good pal Fox News host Sean Hannity asked him after the Presidential Debate on Tuesday night if he would accept Kamala Harris’s challenge to do another debate, Trump had a quick answer.
“When two prize fighters have a big fight, the one that lost almost always immediately calls for a re-match, another fight so they can get another chance at them. That’s why she’s doing this, because she knows she lost and I won the fight,” Trump said. “So I’m willing to think about it, but we’ll just have to wait and see.”
Since Trump loves sports metaphors and considers himself to be a huge sports fan – not just golf, but football, baseball and tennis — All Ball is going to offer him some relevant sports metaphors so he can understand how badly he was beaten Tuesday night and stop trying to gaslight those of us who saw him get baited into revealing his crazy side by an articulate, poised and in-total-control Harris.
If the debate was a volleyball game, Trump would have been six-packed — the term volleyball players use when a spiked ball hits them in the face, causing them to wobble like they just chugged a six pack.
If the debate was a tennis match, Trump would have been double bageled. For non-tennis fans that means the score was 6-0, 6-0. In tennis lingo, the “0” translates to a bagel.
If the debate was a football game, Trump would have been pancaked. That’s the term coaches use when an offensive lineman gets up a head of steam and blocks a defender so viciously that he is knocked straight to the ground, where he lies there flat as a pancake.
And if this was a basketball game, Trump would have been posterized. That’s when a player dunks viciously on another player who is trying to block the dunk attempt and in the process is photographed – later to be involuntarily included in the poster of the dunk.
You just got crushed in front of 70 million people and the person that did the crushing is generously offering you another chance at her — and you don’t jump at it?
Trump confirmed it the next day: there will be no second debate with Harris.
The obvious conclusion: Trump is scared she will crush him again and then his candidacy would truly be finished. Better to declare victory, retreat and hope voters forget the bleached-blond, bloated, blustering lunatic they saw on their screens.
The next morning, Trump was back on “Fox & Friends.” “I won the debate by a lot,” he said, and “every single poll last night had me winning like 92-7, and another was 86-3.”
He was referring to obscure right-wing web sites that ask their MAGA readers to answer online polls. The Fox News hosts did not contradict him, even though more scientifically valid polls from mainstream news organizations – including Fox itself — showed him losing by a margin of 2-to 1. Indeed, Fox News Senior Political Analyst Brit Hume concluded succinctly: “Donald Trump had a bad night.”
At the same time he was claiming a landslide win, Trump argued that ABC News should lose its broadcasting license, because “they had a rigged show with somebody that maybe even had the answers. It was three-on-one.”
To use another sports metaphor, Trump was arguing that the refs – in this case moderators David Muir and Linsey Davis — were corrupt and that the game was fixed against him, even though he “won” by a lot. How dare they have the gall to challenge his onslaught of brazen, blatant lies!
In rapid order, Trump had claimed that he won the 2020 election but was robbed, complained that those who attacked the Capitol on January 6, 2021, were “treated so badly,” argued about his crowd size, asserted that he had read that Harris “was not Black” and that Biden “hates her,” admitted that after nine years he still only has “concepts of a plan” on health care, made odd statements such as “I got involved with the Taliban” and “she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison,” and uttered this false and ludicrous slander about Haitian migrants in Ohio: “They’re eating the dogs, the people that came in. They’re eating the cats. They’re eating — they’re eating the pets of the people that live there.”
That is the moment – “they’re eating the pets” – that will live on long after every thing else about this debate has faded in the nation’s memory. Just as the image of the June 27 debate has boiled down to an image of President Joe Biden staring into space with his mouth agape like a hospice patient who can’t find the bathroom, so this debate will soon boil down to Trump looking like your crazy uncle at the end of the bar ranting louder and louder about Haitian immigrants eating people’s pets and why doesn’t somebody do something about it?
And to cap off Trump’s no-good, very bad, truly awful night, about an hour after the debate Taylor Swift told her 284 million followers that she had watched the debate, done her research, and decided to endorse Kamala and Vice-Presidential nominee Tim Walz. She didn’t mention Trump, just said she was endorsing Harris for president.
Along with a picture of her with her cat, Benjamin Button, she signed it “Childless Cat Lady” – an obvious dig at Trump’s clueless vice-presidential pick, JD Vance.
Then Trump’s new Bromance partner, Elon Musk, gave the night an appropriately creepy ending, responding to Swift’s endorsement.
Musk, who has fathered 12 children by three different women, posted: “Fine Taylor, you win…. I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life.”
Altogether now: EWEEEH!
But a few days later Trump insisted on having the final word in his very bad week. On Saturday night he posted “I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!”
In tennis they call that an unforced error.
Redondo Sea Hawks’ Nico London (top) has reason to smile after Cadence Turner (center) and Ethan Maleman (below) each scored touchdowns last Friday in a 21-0 upset against the Huntington Beach Oilers. Photos by Ray Vidal
Costa’s Cardiac Kids do it again; Redondo bounces back
The Mira Costa Mustangs were giant killers Friday night, traveling all the way to La Verne to knock off Damien High School, which was ranked 22nd in the Los Angeles Times list of the top 25 Southland teams last week.
Costa used a last-second touchdown to pull off a 34-30 stunner on the heels of last week’s last-second 14-13 win over archrival Redondo Union High School.
Damien came into the game with a 3-0 record and fell to 3-1. Costa is now 3-0 and looking like it could be the favorite for that long elusive Bay League title that usually goes to Palos Verdes.
Mid-way thorough the fourth quarter, Damien was up 30-24, but the Mustangs cut the lead to 30-27 with a field goal.
The Mustang defense dug deep and forced yet another stop in a clutch situation as the Spartans couldn’t get the ball moving. After leading Mira Costa quickly down the field, quarterback Liam Meeker connected with Eli Cebula for the game-winner with 1:04 left in the game.
Costa will travel to San Juan Hills next week.
Sea Hawks pitch a shutout
Meanwhile the Redondo Union High School football team pitched its first shutout of the season with a 21-0 victory over high-scoring Huntington Beach on Friday night. The Oilers entered the game averaging 41 points per game but failed to score despite three trips into the red zone.
“Last week Mira Costa handled us up front,” Redondo coach Keith Ellison said of the 14-13 loss to the Sea Hawks’ archrival. “It was one of the things we’ve been hammering home and I’m so proud of our offensive line and tight ends tonight because they were excellent in the run game.”
Senior running back Ethan Maleman led Redondo with 107 rushing yards while wide receivers senior Cadence Turner and junior Bo Ausmus also chipped in on the ground with a touchdown each.
Senior quarterback Niko London needed just 14 pass attempts to lead Redondo to victory thanks to an excellent offensive line that, according to Ellison, kept the Oilers offense off the field for most of the night.
The Sea Hawks are now 2-1 on the still-young season. They will be on the road next week against Orange.
Contact: teetor.paul@gmail.com
