Residents thought they found a savior in the bad girl who made good
by J.E. Marshall
The beach cities were hit hard by the COVID years, but they all soon recovered except one. Buckler’s Bay was a blister on the map between Redondo Beach and Hermosa Beach. The boarded-up houses and businesses were nestled in dead weeds and vines.
The old bus station had been converted into Sharkey’s Pizza, with stationmaster Tommy Endress presiding over the barflies and town drunks. Sharkey’s overlooked what came to be known as Swiller’s Beach. It was a dismal place you might take a date you didn’t want your spouse to find out about.
“You will never see a cow in the ocean,” a regular declared.
“Shut up Eddie,” his drinking buddy Freddie scolded, “Tommy and I are talking.”
Freddie and Eddie used to do dirty deeds for cash but in their old age all they were good for was the gossip. Neither of them knew what was going on next door at the hotel. The flurry of activity was too much to be the upcoming high school reunion. Something bigger was underway.
“I counted 30 palm trees and 60 Italian Cypress trees in them trucks, not to mention the marble and high-priced spa contractors,” Eddie chimed in.
“They got flood lights. They’re working around the clock. Every time I ask Lola what the hell is going on, she says, ‘You’ll find out’,” Freddie shrugged.
“You don’t know the half of it,” Miss Vicky said as she shuffled up to the bar. She had lived in the bushes surrounding The White Owl Inn since her husband died and alcoholism ended her career as an elementary school teacher.
“What’s going on over there?” Tommy leaned in.
“Claudia Ellsberg is coming to the high school reunion. She gave Frank all that money to fix the place to her liking.” Miss Vicky said.
“Did she give Frank all that money with no strings attached?” Freddie rubbed his chin.
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” The question made her cough. “As I recall, that girl was always pretty stringy.”
“You’re mad at her for tearing out your bower?” Eddie nudged her.
“Oh, I got a better bower now. The vines are softer and the lavender trumpet flowers attract the hummingbirds. I got my own hot tub next to the waterfall. It’s away from the other tubs.”
“Well, you certainly smell better, a little bleachy, but a whole lot better. What else do you know, Miss Vicky?” Tommy poured her a whiskey on the house.
“Well, you will never guess who Claudia Ellsberg’s butler is.” Miss Vicky was very confident.
The men blurted every name they could think of to no avail.
“Chadwick Zimmerman, Old Judge Zimmerman, Mr. Law and Order himself!” Miss Vicky howled with laughter.
“My Lord! That’s just crazy,” Tommy declared.
“She still has that Joelcat leopard, and she beats it every day.” Miss Vicky said.
“I’m surprised it is still alive,” Tommy said.
“Oh, it’s not,” Miss Vickey declared. She shot it between the eyes yesterday and Judge Zimmerman replaced it with a new cat.
Down the street, Joel Swan was stocking his gas station grocery store with soup and motor oil. To his surprise Mayor Dan Tooley, Police Officer Dave Trig, Dr. Stanley Tanner, and the Reverend Jerry Farquhar strolled into the store.
“Ha! Well, this is something,” Joel Swan stood up.
“How old is this chewing gum, Swan? It’s petrified,” the mayor complained.
“We’re here to ask the man a big favor and the first thing you do is insult him,” Dr. Stan Tanner scolded the mayor.
“What can I do for you?”
“We want what Frank and Lola Richards got. We want you to woo Claudia Ellsberg and ask her for money. Buckler’s Bay needs you, Joel Swan.” Mayor Tooley was not one to mince words.
“Laura Marlene will love that,” Joel knew his wife would have a cow.
Father Farquhar did not approve of the mayor’s attitude.
“There is no reason to cheat on your wife, Joel. It won’t be necessary to seduce Madame Ellsberg. You just must show her how investing in Buckler’s Bay will be very good for her portfolio. There is no reason why Buckler’s Bay should not be as popular and thriving as Redondo Beach and Hermosa Beach. It makes no sense that we suffer financially as we do.” Dr. Stanley Tooley agreed with Father Farquhar that it was good business.
Claudia Ellsberg had every reason to hate Joel Swan, and Freddie, and Eddie for that matter too. Back in high school when she was an unpopular nobody, Joel got her pregnant, then decided to marry Laura Marlene because her father owned the only gas station in Buckler’s Bay. Joel paid Eddie and Freddie to lie to Claudia’s parents, to say they often slept with her. Claudia was a prostitute when she married her first geriatric billionaire. She emasculated him, stripped him of his wealth and moved on to the next billionaire.
On the night of the gala the whole town showed up. Joel couldn’t help but notice that everyone, including his wife and children, were wearing new, expensive clothing. The town was spending money it didn’t have and looking to Joel to fill the coffers. Miss Vicky had cleaned up so well that no one recognized her.
“Laura Marlene Swan, where did you get that dress?” Joel had just come from the store in his everyday clothes.
“Beverly Hills, baby,” Laura Marlene purred.
“Me too, daddy.” Chrissy Swan spun around showing off her designer dress.
Joel’s jaw dropped when his son Aaron made an entrance in a gray silk suit.
“You’ll get the money, dad. Everybody says so.”
Father Farquhar and Dr. Tanner arrived and stood amazed in the lobby.
“What is this?” Dr Tanner walked up to the coffin.
“It’s very tacky. It’s a coffin full of party favors. It’s nowhere near Halloween so there is no excuse for this.” Father Farquhar said.
When Father Farquhar and Dr Tanner entered the ball room, Joel scrambled past them so fast he almost knocked them over. His face was beet red.
“Oh, ya’ll missed it. Claudia just eviscerated Joel and told us every dirty trick he ever played on her,” Miss Vicky declared.
“Good people of Buckler’s Bay, this is, after all, my hometown. Despite my unfortunate experiences with Joel Swan, I am prepared to give each one of you the sum of two million dollars. In addition, I will give the town $50 million to upgrade and become competitive with the neighboring beach cities. All I ask in return is that you deliver to me the dead body of Joel Swan.”
The entire ballroom moaned.
“This is a joke, right?” someone cried out.
“I can assure you it is no joke. Chadwick has scoured the books and found old laws that make this permissible.” Claudia said. People began to leave the room.
Claudia retired to her sitting room and swatted her leopard on the head. “Take that, you naughty Joelcat.”
Father Farquhar and Dr Tooley burst into the room without knocking.
“There is no excuse for this. You do not need to do this horrible thing. Buckler’s Bay is an excellent investment. In fact, it makes no sense at all that the current property owners have run the city into the ground. You can easily buy them out and flourish.”
Claudia Ellsberg began to laugh hysterically.
She got up and grabbed Father Farquhar’s arm as he tried to leave.
“I have a confession, Father. I can’t buy the property. I already own it. I’ve owned it for decades,” she laughed so hard she snorted.
When everyone was gone, Chadwick attempted to comfort her.
“It’s most unfortunate that things did not go as you planned,” he said softly.
“What on earth makes you say that? Are you stupid, stupid, stupid?” Claudia led him to the balcony by his ear. “What do you see?”
“An empty casket, madame,” he answered.
“Yes. An empty casket. Every single gift bag taken. They’ll be back. I should fire you for being so stupid.”
Each gift bag had a hundred thousand Visa card, a diamond tennis bracelet, a 24-carat gold watch, 10 vouchers for two-week vacations at any hotel in the world, airline vouchers, spa and plastic surgery vouchers, gym memberships, country club membership and a bevy of other fabulous gifts.
“They’ll be back. It will be my pleasure to take the body of Joel Swan home and bury him in my rose garden. It’s perfectly legal with the loophole we found. This was a wonderful night.
Claudia made a face at her Joelcat.
“You are too proud.” Claudia swatted the cat on his head. She underestimated his reach. The cat grabbed her arm, pulled her in and tore off her head.
Joel Swan was never seen again. No one got the money promised to them by Claudia because it was never finalized. The city of Buckley’s Bay fell into total decay. ER
