Eyes, lips, cheekbones, popcorn
Editor’s note: In an effort to review upcoming feature films without having to see them, we decided to review the movies by just watching the in-theater trailers.
“True Grit”
In a remake of the John Wayne redemption classic, western gunman Jeff Bridges strives to be an alcoholic nightmare for the bad guys and an alcoholic teddy bear for his client, an adorable 14-year-old girl.
In an inexcusable continuity gaffe, Bridges shifts his trademark John Wayne eye patch from one eye to the other as the movie goes along.
“The Tourist”
Johnny Depp works his usual magic in this caper film about a man in over his head. Spoiler alert: it looks like Angelina Jolie is hiding the loot in her lips.
“RED”
A spy thriller based on Warren Ellis’ DC comic, which is better than the movie. The filmmakers think it’s funny that Helen Mirren is a killer despite looking like Helen Mirren, but it isn’t funny. Also, John Malkovich is only slightly more disturbing wearing combat gear and pointing a gun than he is wearing a suit and tie and just standing around.
Plus, Richard Dreyfuss is in it.
“Your Cheating Heart”
Finding the hilarity in yet another buddy code that doesn’t exist, we see how far Vince Vaughn has fallen from “Swingers,” and how far Kevin James has risen from “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.”
“How Do You Know”
This Owen Wilson cheekbone-a-thon is funny to people who think “that’s really how guys are.” Upside: Reese Witherspoon is in it. Downside: it could be a remake of “Marmaduke.” ER
