by Dr. Allen
I often think the main psychological skill everyone needs to learn can be understood with two words: Let go. That’s right, letting go of our negative remnants from the day.
There are things we absorb during the day we need to let go of. They include feelings, reactions, reasonings, and pictures of the things that happened that have left a negative reaction within us.
Not learning to let go of these feelings leads to anxiety. If we do not let go, it will build up within us. Day by day it gets added up and eventually will lead to unhealthy functioning.
The person who doesn’t discharge emotions can expect to have fear overwhelming them, anger outbursts, and physical illness in stomach, muscles and heart. Further problems could be unhealthy coping such as smoking, drinking and drugs. Stress is a build up from struggling to reconcile disconcerting situations in our lives.
Of course, most of us in the U.S. are fortunate to not be living in a physically threatening environment where our lives are at risk. But this doesn’t mean we don’t experience trauma.
The challenge is similar to how one lives in a challenging world of conflict and negativity.
So what does letting go look like? First, we have to identify what is in us. This means what negative thoughts, feelings and reactions we have as a residue from our daily life?
Putting words to our feelings is another way to describe this mental skill. Then it’s just a matter of releasing the thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it helps to have someone or something you express the feelings and thoughts to. These feelings and thoughts are not errant, they are important, from something we care a lot about. So it helps if we can identify who or what to give them to. Some select the universe or a higher power to give them to. Something beyond ourselves. True “letting go” can have a spiritual component.
The recovery community has a great prayer that is wise and effective. It basically is us asking to discern what we can and can’t control in life. We need to let go of the things we can’t control, such as weather, traffic, other people and circumstances. This will lead to us living in a more peaceful existence.
Here is that prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Letting go is a skill to learn. To be able to do it, takes practice, consistency and routine. Gradually, you can build up a greater ability to let go and then gradually you’ll experience more and more peace as you let go. As you lessen what is weighing you, you’ll feel lighter. We then can enter a more peaceful, safe place.
Dr Greg Allen is a practicing therapist in Palos Verdes Estates and San Pedro. He seeks to help kids find their passion and purpose. He is also founder and director of youth non-profits Hearts Respond (heartsrespond.com) and Freedom4U (freedomcommunity.com). PEN
