by Paul Teetor
Remember the classic Seinfeld episode when George gets into trouble with the New York Yankees when his plan to put the players in light-weight cotton jerseys goes horribly awry?
Well, believe it or not, in a case of real-life imitating sitcom life, someone is bound to get into trouble for the same thing — only this time it’s light-weight see through pants.
Next thing you know there will be a PG-13 warning for parents: don’t take your children to Dodger Stadium this summer – they might see something they’re not supposed to see.
That’s just one of the many possible consequences of the see-through pants scandal unfolding this spring in Major League Baseball.
There’s still a month to go before Opening Day, but as of right now Commission Rob Manfred has a hands-on problem that he needs to solve quickly.
When the Dodgers unveiled their new uniforms this week, using no less than newly arrived on Shohei Ohtani, their highly sculpted mannequin model, people – even normal, everyday people – couldn’t help noticing that something slightly salacious was going on: the new, lighter fabric was essentially see-through.
If not for the uniform shirt tails hanging just low enough into the pants to cover his man zone, we would have thought we had our first X-rated look at Ohtani’s big, fat, um, wallet.
And it’s not just the Dodgers who have a see-through problem.
Across the country, from New York to LA, the launch of the 2024 Major League Baseball season was accompanied by a rollout of new uniforms, designed by Nike and manufactured by Fanatics.
The new unis boast 25% more stretch, a “breathable, lightweight, high-performance fabric” and moisture-wicking Dri-Fit technology that promises to keep the ballplayers dry until the final out.
In theory, the new uniforms make perfect sense: summer is brutally hot for fans and players alike, and we’re not even the ones trying to go from first base to third on a ground ball up the middle. Mookie, Freddie and the gang are the ones doing the running – and they sure could benefit from lighter, more breathable uniforms.
But as soon as the new look was rolled out, an unsettling feature was noticed by fans and players alike: the pants were so transparent that you could see the jersey tag tucked into the waistband.
Dodger photo day results this week continued the unfortunate trend, with clearly visible logos from compression shorts shining through as players forced smiles at cameras. The photos, some more graphic than others, became fuel for jokes on social media — but the off-color, phallic-oriented jokes are not suitable for a family newspaper like Easy Reader.
You’ll have to go online and look them up yourself.
Despite all the online laughter and mockery, experts warned the problem is no joke.
“You want the players focusing on that 96-mph fastball coming right at them, not whether fans can read their brand of underwear,” said Sean Cormier, an associate professor and chair of the textile development and marketing department at the New York-based Fashion Institute of Technology. “This has got to be fixed.”
Tasha Lewis, an associate clinical professor in fashion and retail studies at The Ohio State University, speculated that the same fabric was used for the jerseys and the pants, a big no-no in retail clothing design.
“You need a heavier, weighted fabric for pants,” she said. “Bottom-weight fabric is heavier and it gives you more coverage. Heavier yarn, more closely knitted fabric.”
With white fabric, Lewis said, it’s usually obvious: stick your hand inside, and if you can see it, the fabric isn’t thick enough to cover you.
The manufacture and design process went horribly wrong at some point along the chain, Lewis theorized, whether that was in what material was selected originally or what material was used in the final product.
The partnership between the league and the apparel companies, renewed on a 10-year deal in 2020, dictated that Nike would design the uniforms while Fanatics would manufacture them.
The new uniforms were put through years of testing, including player feedback. MLB has touted that feedback, quoting All-Stars Nolan Arenado, Adley Rutschman and Ronald Acuña Jr. in press releases praising the new unis.
But the see-through writing is on the wall.
“I know everyone hates them,” said former Dodger Trea Turner, now a Philadelphia Phillie.
Now that the see-through pants are dominating the early days of spring training, the questions are increasing by the day.
Shouldn’t they have caught on to this problem much earlier in the process?
How does it only become an issue once the pants are public.
And, most important of all, who messed up?
Paging George Costanza.
USC, UCLA ballers gonna miss the Big Dance
The USC and UCLA men’s basketball teams renewed their ancient rivalry Saturday night – but all they accomplished was to show why neither of them is likely to be invited to participate in the NCAA Tournament.
For the record, USC managed to hang on for a 62-56 win. But that was only after they had squandered most of a 14-point lead in an ugly, low-scoring game that basically made the case not only that neither team was going to get an NCAA invite, but also that neither team deserved one.
The true shocker was UCLA showing up to their own home court in Pauley Pavilion listless and uninspired. As usual, Coach Mick Cronin was not shy about expressing his disappointment.
“It’s a simple game – the team that plays harder usually wins,” Cronin said. “They played much harder than us. They were more physical. They had humility. They came in here looking for redemption. We had no humility. Show me somebody that’s not humble, and I’ll show you somebody getting ready to get humbled.”
A couple of weeks ago the Bruins ran off a 6-game winning streak to revive their season, and suddenly they were looking like a team on the move, a team that was going to play its way into the NCAA Tournament.
But last week Utah hit a shot at the buzzer to end that six-game winning streak, and now this loss to a USC team with a worse record than theirs – in front of a home crowd just begging for something to cheer about – pretty much finished the Bruins off.
Unless, that is, they pull off a miracle in the PAC-12 tournament – the last tournament ever for the storied conference that is going out of existence next year while its teams scatter to the winds. But that would require four consecutive wins in the conference tournament to grab the automatic NCAA bid that goes to the winner, regardless of their final record.
“There’s only one way we can make the tournament,” Cronin said. “You gotta win the conference tournament, by my math.”
As it stands now, UCLA has a record of 14-13. But when you take away a Maui Classic victory over Division II Chaminade, it’s a .500 team. They’re still in fourth place in the Pac-12 at 9-7, and in position for a first-day bye in the PAC-12 Tournament to be held in Las Vegas. But their four remaining conference games include games at second-place Washington State (12-5) and at home against first place Arizona (12-4). Based on Saturday night’s no-show performance, they have virtually no chance of winning those games.
USC (11-16, 5-11) right now is in 11th place in the PAC-12, so they have no chance of being picked by the NCAA Tournament selection Committee. Just like UCLA, the Trojans would have to somehow win four games in four days in ‘Vegas to get back to March Madness.
UCLA has the better chance of pulling off a Vegas miracle — but don’t bet on either one being in the NCAA Tournament.
Contact: teetor.paul@gmail.com. ER
