“Lie Hard” – It still wasn’t enough [MOVIE REVIEW]
To call “Lie Hard” awful would be an insult to all those bad, mediocre movies that come out every year and quickly disappear. “Lie Hard” is actually a cut below awful, venturing into that realm of films that try too hard to be funny by taking a solid concept and breaking the already stretched rubber band. Ian Niles, directing from a script he co-wrote with Harrison Feuer, also stars as the lead character, Rob Smart (like everything else, even his name is too on the money). Niles is another case of the trifecta hubris of writing, directing, and starring in a film. Most trifectas don’t end well, although sometimes at least one of the parts succeeds. This is not the case in “Lie Hard,” where none of the parts works.
Rob Smart is in love with Katie Reynolds, the daughter of wealthy parents. Rob, a slacker from the get go, is way out of his league, as everyone is wont to tell him. He has a decent job in real estate development and is eager to prove himself worthy. Their first meeting is, of course, a disaster, ending with Mr. Reynolds, pointing to his mansion and gardens, telling Rob that he’ll never be able to provide for Katie in style and he needs to get lost.
Rob, believing that the only thing between Katie and his happiness is a big house, sees a solution. He buys a house. Not just any house, but a fully furnished four million dollar dazzler that wins over his future in laws. Katie, however, is less than impressed. This should have been a mutual decision and it’s not what she likes about Rob. As is typical of similar films, Rob doesn’t recognize that Katie doesn’t need the trappings. At this point the viewer should be perplexed as to what she does see in him.
Catherine Curtin as Big Sally in “Lie Hard.” Photo courtesy of Mutiny Pictures.
But more trouble is on the horizon. He got the money from the local crime boss, Big Sally, who is looking for an insider to obtain the building contracts on the massive redevelopment program now up for bid. Rob, touting his job at the company overseeing the development, is just such a patsy. But slacker that he is, Rob has skipped work for several weeks for a variety of made-up reasons relying on his family ties to the owner to get a pass. But even nepotism has its limits and he’s fired; and now, Big Sally wants the money back by the end of the week. The name “Big Sally” is a running joke because in most gangster flics, Big Sally would be a guy who’s name might be Salvatore. Here it is a big woman named…Sally.
Rob has one last chance, or so he thinks. Legend has it, according to a neighbor, that the former owner of his house buried millions in the walls. He hires a couple of lowlifes, Brick and Clyde, who would fit perfectly in a “Tim and Eric” movie (“Tim and Eric” movies are several rungs below the “Bill and Ted” and “Harold and Kumar” films that are actually funny). When first we meet them, in the aisles of an all night drug store, they are inhaling whipped cream out of the can. It’s not funny when my husband does it, and it’s not funny here.
Chris Jarell as Clyde and Joel Marsh Garland as Brick in “Lie Hard.” Photo courtesy of Mutiny Pictures.
Predictably, the interior of the house is trashed and no money is found, and Big Sally’s thugs are on the threshold. Brick and Clyde have an idea; that would be a first. And things escalate from there to happily ever after. Happily ever after? Really?
The acting is somewhat hit and miss and has nothing to do with the direction. Melanie Chandra plays Katie better than might be expected of someone whose role is unbelievable from the get-go. She makes it credible that a beautiful, smart woman would look twice at such a transparent wanna-be. Joel Marsh Garland (Brick) and Chris Jarell (Clyde) work together well and occasionally transcend the puerile nature of the way their characters are written.
To be fair, it’s unlikely anyone would have been able to pull off the character of Rob as it was written. Ian Niles does the best he can as an actor hamstrung by his writer, director, and limited range. If there is a star, however, it would be Catherine Curtin as Big Sally. Taking a page from every mob movie ever made, she’s surly, threatening, and hilarious. The accent is strictly Jersey and the postures are straight out of Scorcese. A veteran of “Stranger Things,” “Orange is the New Black,” and “Insecure,” Curtin melds the so-called comedy with the “drama” seamlessly. When she is in a scene, unfortunately too little, the screen lights up just a bit.
And yes, I get the play on “Die Hard” where the hero overcame terrible odds against really bad guys. In this case, consider yourself the hero trying to overcome a terrible movie.
Premiering August 16 on VOD and various digital platforms.