Sage Advice
Most parents recognize the importance of having a conversation with their children about the birds and the bees. We should also have another important conversation — one about mental health.
As children approach middle school, a healthy dialogue about mental health becomes critical. There are many firsts that may occur during adolescence — first love, first loss, first experience losing a loved one to death. Helping children navigate these issues is one of the most important jobs parents face.
Let your child know loss and grief are normal. In fact, it is healthy to express sadness as well as joy. There are many stressor in life. Brainstorm some with your child. This helps normalize and validate what they may already be experiencing.
Here are a few coping skills to share with your child.
Talking it out: Encourage your child to talk things out, not to hold feelings inside. I make the analogy of a pot of boiling water. If we keep the lid on it will explode. We need to let some of the steam out. Create a safe space where their feelings won’t be judged. Validate and normalize whenever in doubt.
It’s important not to force your child to speak to you if they aren’t ready. Let them know you are always here whenever they are ready and love them unconditionally.
Do something they love: Engaging in enjoyable activities can help lower stress and put them in a positive mindset. Some examples are taking a walk, listening to music, seeing friends, playing video games. Encourage them to make lists of their own and share yours.
Eating well, exercising and sleep: Teens need nine hours of sleep each night. Have healthy family meals as many nights as possible each week. Make sure your child drinks enough water by encouraging them to take a reusable water bottle with them to school.
Use relaxation techniques: There are several free sites and apps that teach simple relaxation techniques.
- A 60-second meditation tool to ease worries and release bothersome thoughts: pixelthoughts.co
- Guided meditations and breathing exercises for beginners: quietkit.com.
- Short activities for mindfulness and compassion: stopbreathethink.com.
- Audio files for guided meditation, mindfulness and imagery exercises:
- students.dartmouth.edu/wellness-center/wellness-mindfulness/relaxation-downloads.
Modeling positive coping behaviors: A great way to encourage your child to develop positive coping skills is to model the behaviors yourself to show them what positive coping looks like. Confide in your child about times when you’ve found it hard to cope, and share with them the positive strategies that have worked for you. This will not only make them feel less alone, but will also reinforce the importance of seeking help.
Liz Schoeben MFT, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 25 years of experience counseling adolescents in academic settings in Los Angeles, Seattle and the San Francisco Bay Area. She is the executive director of SAGE, a Project of Impact Philanthropy Group. For more information visit SageSoCal.org.