Words of wisdom: PVHS class of 1968 looks back 50 years

A letter to our younger selves
50 years on: Palos Verdes High School’s Class of 1968 reflects and looks forward

By the early summer of 1968, pop music was at its peak, social unrest was beginning to brew across the country, and baby boomers were booming and blooming. Released into this era of the tumultuous but also the sublime, a large contingent of young people graduated from Palos Verdes High School. Like newly-hatched turtles rushing towards the safety of the shoreline, some of them were picked off by the seagulls of fate or, once in the water, gobbled up by the sharks of misfortune. The rest of them have been swimming for half a century, and in mid-October of this year gathered to party like it was, well, 1999. And that’s what this story’s about: Still kicking, still swimming, the graduates of 1968, now 68 themselves, gathered for their 50th high school reunion.
Well, not all of them, of course. Of the 475 seniors (now officially seniors!) who swarmed out of the starting gate, many have since moved far away and could not attend. Some did not want to attend. Those who have died may or may not have been there in spirit. But those who participated in the weekend festivities, highlighted by a splendid evening at the Palos Verdes home of Claudia (Avakian) Krikorian, seemed like one big family.
Hearing this, no one should be surprised. What has and forever will connect all of them is that long-ago confluence of time and place that brought everyone together, perhaps for four years or maybe just one or two, but which nonetheless culminated in 1968. In other words, this large group, at least as one writer sees it, is comprised of cousins, some close, some distant, whether or not they knew one another, liked one another, or didn’t like one another. The latter part matters little today. All are equal now, saints and sinners in the same boat, hands on the same oar, singing the same song.
Palos Verdes High School is demographically different in 2018 than it was 50 years ago. It must have been about 105 percent white, upper-middle class without even a token African-American and very, very few Asians or Hispanics. We were no doubt poorer for that. I would have liked having Asian friends. When I was in Japan I think I disappointed a few people because my sensibilities were more like theirs and not enough like those of the Beach Boys.
In the weeks before the reunion I cooked up a questionnaire that was offered to the entire class. Some responded, most did not, but from those who did reply a glimpse into the past and present mindset of the Class of ‘68 can be drawn.
Let’s look at some of those questions and how they were answered.

If I could start over?
Imagine it’s June, 1968. If you could go back in time, I asked, “I would…” (fill in the blank)
“Smoke some grass” (Michael Oertl), “Laugh longer” (Becky Martin), “Tell my father ‘I love you’” (Kit Cossart), and “Seek our God more passionately” (Rich Milne).
“I would join more organizations and form more friendships” (Dyan Hale), “I would make more friends and join social events” (Tia Jerger Kuhl), and “I would join whatever groups felt inclusive and inspiring” (Barbara Coors).
Some classmates would have approached higher education with greater focus: “I would…”
“have been more flexible in career planning” (Gail Jewell), “have gotten a math tutor” (Kathy McIntyre), “stand my ground and go to the college of my choosing, not the one my parents selected” (Claudia Avakian Krikorian), “immediately enroll in college and not leave until I had a Bachelor’s degree in something, anything!” (Rebecca Goodrich), “have gone to UC Irvine, not USC, and then on to med school right away” (Frank Onofrio), “get some good therapy” (Mary Cook), and “have studied computer science like my mother wanted me to. My mother died less than a week after our graduation. Naturally, if I could change anything, I would keep her alive.”
But many others are okay with the past: “I would not change a thing!” (Dave Demarest), “I would change nothing” (Brad Greer), “I would not change a thing” (Sheila Boyd), “Change absolutely nothing” (Darryl Barker), “I regret nothing” (Sue Stingley/Sylvia Richardson), “I would not change a thing” (Brad Webster), and “I would make all the same mistakes, decisions, and discoveries; have the same adventure, misadventures, and experiences…” (Lorna Schreck).
So, what would you have done differently? Or would you have done it the same? I might have told myself: Be tolerant and open to all the changes that lie ahead because, whew, it’s gonna be quite a ride, young man!

Life? A user’s guide
Figuring that everyone has had 50 years to mull it over, I asked each person if they had an original anecdote or thought about life. I guess it didn’t have to be original; I just didn’t want cliches. At any rate, here are some of the responses:

“Grab hold of every moment with gusto. Wallow in the small joys of your everyday. Meet the challenges and let go of the frustrations… Kindness is the greatest gift we are given and can give to others” (Lorna Schreck), “In the end, all that matters is how well we have loved ourselves, others, this earth, and the Creator of it all” (Mary Cook), “Live as though today is your last day. Wear your nice clothes, use your good china, be a good friend and do what makes you feel good” (Connie Lewis), “Surrender to the experience and go for it. Above all, follow your dreams and visions” (Sheila Boyd), “You don’t have to do it all; just do something” (Gail Jewell), “There is no comfort in your growth zone, no growth in your comfort zone” (Dyan Hale), “It’s been said before: The entire key to life is moderation” (Brad Greer),and “Stay true to your authentic self and live life with passion!” (Claudia Avakian Krikorian).
Additional replies also contain a mix of wisdom, lived experience, and distilled advice:
“We all have a talent, and it is up to us to figure out what that talent is. Then we must seek out the best people to train with in order to polish that talent” (Bob Swick/Robert Donavan), “On your tombstone you are only responsible for the ‘dash,’ not the first or last number; so enjoy your life and live it to the fullest!” (Dave Demarest), “If life is really about what’s happening while you’re planning something else, for goodness sake, get your nose out of that screen, look around, and see what you could do of value in that moment!” (Rich Milne), “If you want something bad enough, and you work hard enough, it will be yours” (Darryl Barker), and “Dare to take risks, act out, blow it when you are young and your community, family, and friends are there to push against. There is a safety net then. Later those antics are not so cute or tolerable. Pushing the limits when young helps youth to figure out what works or not for adulthood. I wish that I had risked more and played harder in high school” (Barbara Coors Seeley).
Henry Miller wrote that “the aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.” Our days are numbered. What number is this? We never know when the parade will end.
Jay Waggoner, who flew airplanes for 35 years, has an anecdote about the time he was in extreme peril, trapped in an icy river with his infant daughter. He was 30 at the time and realized that he might not make it out alive. There was “panic for my daughter and befuddlement with my own stupidity.” After a quick “God help me!” he “heard the combined voice of every swim coach I ever had, urging me into a one-armed survival stroke… The whole time my entire life was flashing before me; there was even time for a rerun.” Twenty minutes later he hauled up onto the shore, “thankful we were both alive. What amazed me about having my life flash before me was that every word I had ever spoken was on ‘the video.’ It all made me think about what I was responsible for.”
As the philosopher Schopenhauer wrote, “To see how short life is, a man must have grown old, that is to say, he must have lived long.” Mark Twain said something similar: “At 50, a person is really very young, but he will not find it out until later.” In other words, to quote PV High classmate Kit Cossart’s comment about life: “Look out, it’s not what you think!”

Death on the installment plan
Classmates from 1968 were also asked their thoughts about aging and mortality. Most of them aren’t at that critical, red alert, stage yet, although almost all of them have witnessed the inevitable decline of their parents. After all, when we were in high school, our parents were still kids themselves, right?
“Age is really a number… except for a few aches and pains!” (Dave Demarest), “I continue to train dancers and travel and hope to stay healthy and live to 100” (Tita Bryson Boulger), “It’s never too late to make dreams come true. Be realistic, work hard, and be a decent human being” (Bob Swick/Robert Donavan), “I welcome both [aging and mortality] without fear” (Claudia Avakian Krikorian), “You only live once, so live life to the fullest and go out of your way to love others” (Dyan Hale), “It’s frightening to think about upcoming frailty and death, but the best thing to do is live and not waste time doing things that don’t matter” (Gail Jewell), “If I gratefully accept the present moment and life’s evolution, then I gratefully accept aging, physical death, and continuance of essential spirit” (Mary Cook), and “I do not like to get up in the morning, but I am always thankful when I wake up!” (Connie Lewis McGuigan).
Lorna Schreck has had a closer brush with mortality than most of us. We’re fortunate to still have her: “I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon/anal cancer in 2000. It was a strain that didn’t react to chemo. At that time, the surgeon let me know that I had a 30 percent chance of living through the operation. If I did, I would only have 12 to 18 more months… The morning of my surgery I wrote a note and taped it to my belly for the OR to read: ‘If I die, I’ve had a wonderful life; if I live, it’s okay, because I will continue to live a wonderful life.’ I still believe that today, and I will continue to know it will be true long after I am finished living this human experience.”
Other thoughts on aging and mortality? “It sucks… but what a ride!” (Sheila Boyd), “Wished I hadn’t been so aggressive at the gym and sports. My body is paying for it now” (Brad Greer), “What will you pass on to the future that’s worth more than money? (Rich Milne), “Try to do God’s Will and follow Biblical principles” (Frank Onofrio), “It means focusing on things I took for granted in the past, such as time and health.” And her terse answer? “Welcome to the other side” (Tia Jerger Kuhl).
“Now I am finding it harder to avoid reality. What if I am all alone when I grow old and no one knows or cares? What if I don’t kick into living my hopes and dreams? And, I still don’t know who I will be when I grow up” (Barbara Coors), “Whenever faced with an idiotic decision [remember, I work in tax law], I am fond of reminding everyone that we are all going to be dead for a really long time and that no one is going to care about dust and decimal points” (Kathy McIntyre), “Life is mysterious. I don’t read mysteries to find out how they end. I read them for how well they are written” (Sue Stingley/Sylvia Richardson). And we’ll let Darryl Barker have the last word on the subject of aging and mortality: “Well, it’s coming, no matter what you do.”
Everything falls into place, and then everything falls out of place. Requiescat in pace.

As for what lies ahead?
Is the Class of 1968 hopeful or doubtful about the future of humanity?
This is where the responses range from the extremely hopeful to pretty much extremely doubtful. Cautiously optimistic might be another way to put it. But you can decide.
“Always hopeful. I am the eternal optimist!” (Claudia Avakian Krikorian), “Very hopeful and looking forward to seeing all of the new technological developments over the next 20 years or more” (Gail Jewell), “Hopeful. I have a lot of faith that generations following us will become the stewards this planet needs” (Sheila Boyd), “In general, hopeful” (Brad Greer), “Hope and optimism are the only meaningful attitudes to prevent us from blowing up this wonderful, beloved planet of ours” (Michael Oertl), “Hopeful, but cautious” (Becky Martin), “Hopeful, for those who accept the gift offered in John 3:16 of the New Testament” (Kit Cossart), “The future of humanity is hopeful for all who put their faith in the Messiah, but without hope for all those who reject the Messiah” (Frank Onofrio).
On that note, a little more skepticism begins to creep into the picture:
“I have faith that the human race will continue to grow and change and evolve. I am more worried about Planet Earth” (Lorna Schreck), “Always hopeful, but attitudes and what’s important to people are going to have to change” (Darryl Barker), “Based on the past, we shall likely lurch our way forward. I don’t worry as much about humanity as I worry about animals and plants, mountains and oceans. Those things deserve to survive” (Rebecca Goodrich), “I like to quote the receptionist at the restaurant in ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ when he looks at Cameron and says, ‘I weep for the future.’ I do it often with my kids. But every generation in recorded history complains that This Is It, It All Ends Now. Somehow, some way, it doesn’t” (Brad Webster).
Then the responses grow a bit darker…
“Somewhat hopeful in the short, decades-long, run. Fairly doubtful in the longer, centuries-long, run. Too many global dilemmas seem destined to derail long-term progress” (Rich Milne), “I am very frustrated with the negativity, disrespect, lying, and lack of moral values in our current administration but hope for better things in the future” (Dyan Hale), “Politicians and diapers should be changed often, and for the same reason” (Jay Waggoner), “I think humans are the most violent species on the planet. That said, I hope we rise to our full potential as sentient beings… However, I am doubtful” (Barbara Coors).
“I am doubtful as I truly believe the new generations will never know how to interact with other human beings: They don’t go out and play; they look at their screens and play games. It scares me because I think ‘feelings’ are becoming a thing that just us ‘old people’ know about. I also hope I am very wrong about this” (Connie Lewis), “I am conflicted. I want to believe that humankind will muddle through and save the planet and the species and stop murdering elephants for magic charms, but I’ve read too much great literature and history” (Kathy McIntyre), “I see a lack of drive and determination taking hold, along with the inability to take responsibility for our actions and our lives. To me, the indications are that the future of humanity is not going to be pretty” (Bob Swick/Robert Donavan).
My own contribution to this group of opinions might be this: God gave man intelligence, but the Devil gave him guns. A concern about the environment, i.e., climate change, is embedded in a few of the replies, but at the root of it is the simple fact that there are too many of us (7.6 billion now; 9.7 by 2050). The big problem, according to Edward O. Wilson in “The Future of Life,” is that “humanity is in a bottleneck of overpopulation and wasteful consumption.” So, squeezing through that bottleneck, that’s the challenge that lies ahead.
What I’ve written crunches the life experiences, the wisdom, and the speculations of a number of former students who came of age on the Peninsula and attended Palos Verdes High School in the mid- and latter-1960s, with the hope that the current students there will tuck away these pages for 20, 30, or 50 years. Maybe then they will dust them off and continue the dialogue. PEN

(the above story was printed in the November 2018 issue of Peninsula magazine)

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